Only Hope
by coffeeberry
Summary: Starting from Merry Fisticuffs, Lorelai begins to accept her new life, but she knows that it's not right. Not the right life, not the right husband. Something needs to change.
1. When It Feels Like My Dreams Are So Far

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls. That makes me kind of sad. You know what else makes me sad? I have like 2, almost 3 loooong weeks until I drive down to SA for my Goo Goo Dolls concert.

**A/N:** This one is going to be long. I have the entire thing planned out, y'all will just have to trust me and be patient with me. :o)

**When It Feels Like My Dreams Are So Far**

Lorelai looked around, taking everything in. Pursing her lips as she adjusted the white mink throw covering her legs, she saw the Wadsworth Mansion that Emily had rented come into view. The horse-drawn sleigh reached the beginning of the road that would lead her to her wedding party and stopped.

"Is everything ok?" she asked the driver who had been silent so far.

"Yes, ma'am. I was given specific instructions as to when I'm supposed to start the sleigh down the road; it'll just be a moment." She waited in silence until a man ran up to the sleigh and whispered something to the driver. He nodded and shook the reigns, the two white horses starting down the road.

"What's your name?" She asked, not liking the silence.

"Christopher," he said, not wanting to get into a conversation with this woman. He just wanted to do his job.

"Oh! That's my husband's name." Noticing the strange look that flickered over the man's face, she hastily tried to make it sound better. "I know what you must think. I'm marrying my husband today. Well, I mean that we're already married. This is all done by my mother who was upset she missed it the first time. See, we eloped while we were in France. His daughter was visiting her mother and we went with her, and you don't need to know all that," Lorelai made herself stop talking, cursing her inability to remain silent. She knew she was going to have to work on that as her mother's words came rushing back to her.

_It's not going to be perfect. He's not perfect, and God knows you're not perfect. But marriage is not about always being happy, and often it's about not being happy at all. It's about compromise, which is not your strong suit. Marriage is about swallowing your pride sometimes, about doing what he wants. It's not always about winning an argument, which may make you sad because that's what you love, but...I just don't want to see you ruin this. Marriage is serious business, Lorelai, and if you don't take this very seriously, then this whole thing is going to fall apart faster than you could possibly imagine. Then he'll be gone, and you'll be alone again. A ring is no guarantee._

She smiled sadly at the way she had gone to him that night. She had apologized. She had promised him this wedding, promised him that she would be better at compromising, that they would work together on making decisions. So she had agreed to the horse-drawn sleigh and everything else her mother had wanted with a few modifications. So now here she was, sitting in this ridiculous sleigh, surrounded by white lights decorating the bare trees and snow blanketing everything. It had stopped falling this morning. Her wonderful snow has stopped for her wedding party. She shivered as the sleigh drew closer to the hall and she could see everyone waiting for her. She had no idea who most of these people were, her mother and father's friends and associates most likely. She knew that some of Chris partners from the firm were there as well, but as for her friends. Sookie and Jackson were there, as well as Rory. She hadn't wanted to invite anyone else from Stars Hollow because she didn't want to invite everyone except Luke. She smiled when she saw her friends, glad that they were there for her today, willing to be a part of this for her. Rory looked beautiful and calm, as she almost always did. Lorelai laughed at her memory of the previous night, Rory doing her best trying to calm Lorelai down after she had talked to her mother on the phone for the 15th time that day. Lorelai had tried to thank her this morning but Rory had just shrugged it off, telling her that it was part of her duties as the maid of honor. She grinned as Sookie came running up to her, enveloping her in a hug. Lorelai basked in the warmth of her friendship, the pulled away so her mother wouldn't come over and lecture her about not wrinkling her dress.

"Sookie, you look beautiful. I am so glad I let you pick out your own dress."

"Oh yeah, you would have definitely picked out something horrible for me," Sookie giggled. "So are you nervous?"

"Sookie, I'm already married," Lorelai said.

"Yeah, but still... Not even a little?"

"What I am nervous about is my mother. If one thing goes slightly wrong, she will go postal. So it's probably for the best if everyone just stays out of her way." Sookie put her serious face on and nodded in understanding as Rory walked up to her mom.

"Mom, you look so beautiful. And may I just say, thank you for not making me wear a horrible dress?"

"Aww hon, would I ever do that to you?"

"Yes."

"Yeah, you're right." Lorelai gave Rory her first real smile of the day.

"Are you nervous?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? I'm already married to him!"

'I know. But what If you trip?"

"Thanks kid. _Now_ I'm nervous. What if I trip? Oh my god, what if I trip? Emily will kill me!"

"Mom, I was kidding. You'll be fine. And hey, if you do trip, everyone will see what cute shoes you have!"

"Thanks. And I wore my monkey underwear today, so if I fall I'm set."

"Oh, you should make sure to let Grandma know."

"Or I could just stand in front of a fan and let her find out for herself," Lorelai said, grinning wickedly.

"Grandma would disown you."

"Of course she would. Wouldn't that be the point?"

"Oh you know you wouldn't really want that to happen."

"Oh I don't know about that. Just think about it, we'd get our Friday nights back."

"How weird would that be? We've been doing Friday night dinners since I started high school."

"Hello girls,' Emily said, walking over and adjusting Lorelai's veil. "Lorelai you look beautiful. When you get back in the sleigh, make sure not to wrinkle your dress. Five minutes." Emily gave Rory Lorelai's bouquet and walked away. Lorelai started after her mother's retreating form.

"So, five minutes. Mom, thank you for agreeing to do this. I know you didn't really want to have this big party and all, but seeing you and Dad get married really means a lot to me. I didn't get to be there the first time."

"As long as you're happy kid."

"As long as you're happy Mom, this is your wedding."

"No, it's Emily's wedding," Lorelai said, looking away unhappily, climbing back into the sleigh. She adjusted the blanket over her legs and shivered, grateful that she had at least chosen a long sleeved dress.

"Well, you're beautiful and your flowers are beautiful," Rory said, handing her mother her bouquet made of white and red roses gathered with a white satin ribbon.

"Thanks kid, see you in a few." Rory nodded and went to go find Emily, knowing that she would be panicking about the ceremony and anything that could possibly happen. Lorelai sighed and waited for the carriage to take her to the ceremony. The horses started forward and Lorelai found herself wondering what Luke was doing that day. Sighing, she tried to make herself think about something else. The horses stopped at the beginning of the aisle and she saw everyone already in place by the altar, waiting for her. She stepped out of the sleigh and onto the white carpet laid out in front of her. She gasped silently as she stepped into the hall. White lights and white roses were everywhere. It was elegant and understated, just like Emily. She took her father's arm and they started down the aisle. Concentrating on not tripping, she held Rory's gaze for the rest of her walk. Taking her place in front of Chris, she concentrated on what Reverend Boatwright was saying.

"Please be seated everyone. I have known Lorelai and Christopher for many years now. I know them to be two caring, responsible individuals who would stop at nothing to take care of those around them. Now they give that love to each other. They have promised that they will be there for one another; that they will let nothing break their bonds of love. These two have chosen to spend the rest of their lives together. They have found each other and right now, they have chosen to proclaim their love in front of all their friends and family. Lorelai and Christopher, will you please face each other? Please repeat after me. I, Lorelai Gilmore…"

Lorelai went through her vows, making sure to say the right name when she was supposed to. The last thing she needed was to pull a Ross and say her ex's name at her wedding. The rest of the ceremony went quickly, the sleigh taking her back to the front of the mansion so she could go to the bride's room and rest until the reception started. She walked quickly alongside Rory with the hope of avoiding her mother. They closed the door behind them and a few seconds later, heard four sharp raps on the door.

"Lorelai, I know you're in there. We need to go over the entrances for the reception one more time."

"Mom, I'll come out 10 minutes early, I just need some time!"

"Lorelai, we need to go over the dinner and the reception, just to finalize the plans. Come out here now please."

"Mother, just please. Come back in 20 minutes. If that's too late or if your explanation of how we should walk will run into the reception time, that's too bad. They can wait, please?" Lorelai paused waiting for an answer. She heard a sigh and the clicking of her mother's heels as she walked away. Lorelai looked around the room noticing the little details for the first time. This place was nice, a little frilly but not unlike what she might have chosen for a room at the Dragonfly. There was even a fire already going in the fireplace.

"Mom, it was all so beautiful. I'm really glad you did this."

"Yeah well my head would have been on a pike if I hadn't."

"But it would have been a pretty head, with that tiara and all."

"Oh of course, can't have my head on a pike without a tiara. That would be improper."

"You really didn't want this party?"

"I'm glad you got to see your parents marry, but honestly babe, I couldn't care less about this whole thing. I mean, the party will be fun and booze-laden but this is Emily's affair."

"At least you got to pick your own dress."

"Very true, do you remember the ones she wanted me to wear? There was lace everywhere. It looked like a Madonna music video from the 80's threw up on it."

"Mom, do you mind if I get some work done? I have an article due and I just want to do some touching up."

"Sure, I want to get some breathing time before your grandmother's big party anyway."

"You know she's doing this for you."

"I know you would love to believe that."

"Yeah, I would." Lorelai smiled as Rory opened her laptop and started reading.

Lorelai opened her bag and took out a sheet of Dragonfly stationary and a pen. Hesitating, she closed her eyes and decided to finally write the letter she had been composing in her head for months.

_Dear Luke,_

_I'm writing this on my wedding day. Well, my second wedding day. My mother insisted on throwing a party for us, which I guess is nice because Rory can be there this time. We've already had the ceremony. I just bought myself some time so I could write you this before the reception. It wasn't what I thought it would be. I had this all thought out in my head, my wedding day. The flowers were supposed to be daisies, and my dress was going to be blush silk tulle with a cream satin sash. The small church would have had an old carousel out back. And you were supposed to be there. You were supposed to be standing there waiting for me at the end of that aisle. I was looking at Rory when I was walking down the aisle, not Christopher. I couldn't look at him because I was afraid that if I did, I wouldn't go through with this. And I have to because so much has happened._

Lorelai felt her throat closing up and she blinked back the tears that were starting to form. She had cried enough.

_Luke, I am so sorry for going to Chris that night, in more ways than one. Part of me wanted to hurt you and part of me thought that my walking away from you that night meant that I was walking away for good. In a way it did. I am so sorry I hurt you Luke. I cannot forgive myself for doing that. I still love you Luke. It doesn't matter than I married Christopher, it will always be you. It's always been you. I miss you Luke. I've tried to tell myself that I don't but for now, I'm giving in. I miss you and I love you and I want so badly to be with you now instead of being with Christopher. I wish we had done things differently. I wish we had talked more. But I can't change the past; I can just accept my life now, right? _

_I have made mistakes in my life, big ones. But what I did to you that night, letting you go like that will always be the biggest of my life.  
I'm so sorry that I hurt you.  
I love you, Lorelai_

Lorelai sighed and folded the letter, put it in an envelope and sealed it, leaving it on the desk.

"Hon, what time is it?"

"It's 4:15 Mom, what time do we need to be out there?"

"At 4:30 so we still have some time." Rory nodded and continued typing while Lorelai sat there for a few minutes.

"Hey, I'm going to meet Mom early, make her happy, and go over my entrance for the reception."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Why wouldn't I?"

"Because it's you. And because it's your mother."

"Yeah well the real plan is to grab some food while she's in a frenzy and not looking because do you really think she'll let me eat while I'm in this dress?"

"Right. Go get food, and make a plate for me and leave it in the kitchen?"

"I'll try but if you take too long, you never know who will eat it."

"Don't eat my food, Mom."

"I'll try not to," Lorelai said. Rory smiled and turned back to her computer, losing herself in her article. Lorelai turned around and quietly grabbed her letter off her desk. She walked out the door, quickly throwing her letter into the fire.

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Hey guys, if you feel so inclined you can push the blue button. I will never discourage the pushing of the blue button. Especially because I want to see if I should continue this. Chances are I will anyway, but I always love to know that I'm not crazy or wasting my time. So let me know what you think. If you want to. :)


	2. Where Did I Go Wrong I Lost A Friend

**A/N and Disclaimer: **Sorry this took so long. And yes, I promise this will be a Java Junkie. And I don;t own anything except my two tickets to the Goo Goo Dolls concert tomorrow night.

**Where Did I Go Wrong I Lost A Friend**

Lorelai walked into the diner, the bell signaling her arrival.

"Coffee please?"

"No."

"Decaf then?"

"Really?"

"Of course not. Coffee please?"

"No," Luke said as he pulled out her mug and placed it on the counter in front of her. Lorelai looked around as if she thought the diner would have changed, like his baseball cap did. But in the months since she had been here last, nothing was different.

"You're an angel."

"Junkie."

"We've been here before."

"That tree looks familiar."

"So how are things?"

"Things are the same. You know how it is in this town, nothing ever changes."

"Ain't that the truth."

"So I heard you had a big party," Luke said casually.

"No big deal really, it was about a month ago. Something my mother insisted on doing."

"And what Emily Gilmore wants-"

"Emily Gilmore gets. Right."

"So what will it be today?"

"French toast with two eggs, sausage and bacon."

"And more coffee?"

"You really need to ask?" Luke nodded and refilled the cup she had already managed to finish. Lorelai watched him walk away sadly. It used to be much easier with him. When she would come into the diner, he would always perk up; his eyes would lose that hint of sadness he always carried around with him. Now he just looked resigned. Lost in thought, she didn't even notice him put her food in front of her.

"Lorelai? Your food's ready." He said, snapping her out of it.

"Huh? Oh, thanks Luke." She said, faking a smile as she dug in. Luke started wiping the counter as she ate, refilling her mug when needed.

"Luke," she said as she finished up her breakfast. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Of course, what's going on?"

"Upstairs?"

"Uh, sure. Just a minute." Luke told Caesar where he was going and made sure nothing was burning. Lorelai followed him upstairs.

"So what's going on?" He said, closing the door behind him.

"I wanted to tell you, that I didn't invite you to the party because I thought it would be uncomfortable for you to be there. Because of what kind of party it was, because of our history."

"Oh."

"But my not inviting you wasn't me trying to be mean or spiteful. I wasn't trying to push you out of my life or exclude you or anything."

"Okay…"

"I just wanted you to know that. No one else from town was invited either. Well, Rory of course. And Sookie and Jackson. But that was it!"

"Lorelai, it's ok. I understand."

"Oh, well good." Lorelai paused and they stood there in silence for a minute.

"Was there anything else you needed to tell me?"

"Um, no. Not really, I guess I didn't really need to drag you upstairs for that either. I'm sorry; I'll let you get back to work now." Lorelai flashed him a halfhearted smile, opened the door, and bolted down the stairs.

----------------------------

"I don't see why this conversation is such a big deal?"

"Well first can we try not to bring this up in the middle of the night?"

"Well when can we talk about it Lor? You're always at the Inn-"

"Yes Chris, that's because I own my own business. I need to be there to make sure everything is okay."

"You're always at the Inn, or at Sookie's talking about the Inn or in Hartford with Rory. You're even at Luke's! You're everywhere but here!"

"Maybe it's because every time I am here, we fight!"

"We don't always fight."

"Of course we do! It's about that stupid plasma TV you want if it's not about having kids. And speaking of which, why don't you ever want to talk about it when it's not the middle of the night?"

"I already told you, that's when I see you!"

"Ugh. This is a vicious circle we have going on here."

"It goes round and round."

"It never ends."

"That's why it's vicious."

"And a circle."

"See, I knew it buying those "Sports Night" DVDs was a good idea!"

"Chris, we've talked about this before."

"And you've never given me a decent answer."

"I just don't want to have kids yet. We just got married, Rory's only been gone for a few years, and I'm enjoying being a real adult. And with the inn and you trying to start your own consulting business, I don't think it's such a great idea."

"Why not?"

"Because we're both really dedicated to our jobs Chris. One of us is going to have to give up something if we want kids."

"We wont have to give up anything. Since we still live in Stars Hollow, we live 10 minutes from your work. That's close enough where you could stay at home most of the time. You wouldn't be giving up anything!"

"So you'd work while I stay at home and raise the kids?"

"I could work from home sometimes too, we could work something out. A lot of other people do it, why not us?"

"Wait, let me guess, you'd expect a home-cooked meal when you got home too?"

"Lorelai-"

"Chris, let's just stop arguing about our hypothetical kids and go to sleep."

"But-"

"Chris, we're fine. I have to be at the inn early tomorrow morning, I have a staff meeting and I can't deal with Kirk when I'm this tired."

"He's still showing up at the staff meetings?"

"And we keep telling him that he doesn't work there."

"Lorelai, about this kid-"

"Chris, I need to get some sleep," Lorelai said, turning over and shutting her eyes. They both laid there in silence for a few minutes, Lorelai trying to ignore the arm around her.

"I love you Lorelai," Chris said.

Lorelai frowned. "Love you too Chris," she said and tried to force herself to go to sleep.

----------------------------

Lorelai pushed aside the paperwork on her desk and smiled as her phone started ringing. Waiting a few seconds before picking it up, Lorelai started singing into the phone, "oh oh oh oh sweet child of mine…"

"Mom, I thought we agreed that you wouldn't sing that when I called anymore."

'You agreed, I did not agree."

"You've never had a song ringtone until now, why start?"

"Because it's funny. I'm switching it back anyway. I much prefer my ringtones boring and non-lyrical.""

"Besides, everyone else has their favorite song as theirs. Who knew that being old fashioned would someday be called being unique?"

"I am a trendsetter."

"You're getting rid of it, right?"

"Of course. So what's up? Did you call for a reason or did you just miss hearing my lovely voice?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm not going to be coming home this weekend. Logan and I are going to Martha's Vineyard."

"But it's cold."

"We're not going sailing or anything. We just want to get away for the weekend."

"Shouldn't you be flying somewhere warm like Miami and partying with Fiddy and his posse?"

"Okay, please don't say the word posse again. It's creepy."

"Okay. Fiddy and his crew. Or maybe P. Diddy's. Is it P. Diddy now, or just Diddy? Or The Artist Formerly Known as Diddy?"

'Okay Mom, the caffeine is being cut off soon."

"Heartless."

"Just because I love you."

"You threaten to take away my coffee and then claim to love me? You must cast off the Gilmore name immediately."

"Okay Mommie Dearest."

"I wasn't being that mean."

'But you were being that overdramatic."

"Me, overdramatic? Never!"

"Alright Mom, I have to go pack."

"Love you kid, be safe."

"You too Mom." Lorelai smiled as she hung up the phone. Turning back to her paper work, she sighed, wishing she had some coffee, but going to Luke's was out of the question after she had ran out of his apartment like that.

"Lorelai can you babysit tonight?" Sookie said, walking into her office, hands behind her back.

"Sure Sookie. I've got nothing else going on tonight."

"Oh thanks. Jackson wanted to take me to this new restaurant in Woodbridge and then to a movie."

"Well sure I'll take the kids. I'm just glad you don't feel like you need to bribe me with coffee and baked goods anymore. Now you know you can just ask me."

"Well..." Sookie said sheepishly, bringing a steaming cup of coffee out from behind her back.

"Sookie, you know you don't have to bribe me, I love watching the kids."

"I know, but I feel so bad when I ask you. I don't even pay you!"

"Sookie you keep me in food and coffee. All I ask is that the coffee never stops flowing. And that when I meet David Bowie that he fall desperately in love with me."

"You know he's married."

"Eh, never stopped me before," Lorelai said grinning.

"Will Chris be there too?"

"I'm not sure, I think he's working late."

"He's been working late a lot lately."

"Nope, that would be me."

"Oh."

"But I know how easy it is to get us confused. I mean, we're the same age, we're both 5'11", have long dark hair, and of course we're both strikingly beautiful."

"Of course."

"I guess the only real distinction is that he's a man and I'm a woman. But that's a minor detail."

"So how is married life?"

"Well you should know."

"Not married life in general, married life with Christopher."

"Oh. Well, it's Christopher so it was strange at first."

"It was strange at first with Jackson too."

"But this isn't normal strange, this is Christopher strange."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you've met Chris, right?"

"No," Sookie deadpanned.

"Okay, so you know what I mean when I say that he's charming and polite and can definitely keep up with me."

"Yeah."

"So you have charming "ooh everybody love me" Chris. But he's also very unpredictable. You remember how long it took for him to get to the place where I actually believed him when he said he was going to be somewhere. He wasn't in Rory's life much when she was growing up. He practically wasn't in it at all. And I know that side of Chris well, it's the "I want to be sixteen" side of him. The undependable side. I guess I'm just nervous that I'm going to wake up one day and he wont be there."

"He's changed a lot though."

"He still gets skittish when the subject of Luke comes up though."

"Well that's understandable."

"Yeah but he throws it back in my face when we fight."

"What do you mean?"

"He thinks I'm still in love with Luke."

"Are you?"

"No!" Lorelai's face hardened. She knew she had to wrap this up quickly because this very sore subject was starting to get very old. "No Sookie, I'm not. Luke and I are through. I've moved on and so has he."

"Okay,' Sookie said, knowing why her best friend hated this topic so much and lied about it every time it came up.

Lorelai, grateful for the end to the conversation, smiled at her friend and got the details for the night with Davey and Martha. Sookie left and Lorelai stared at the stack of papers in front of her, trying to work up the will to resume where she had left off. Sighing, she opened her desk instead and took out a sheet of stationary.

_Dear Luke, _the letter read.

_I'm thinking about taking the Mike Armstrong job. Remember that job? The one that would have me traveling and consulting? He always told me that he would have a spot open for me, I just have to decide whether or not to sell my share of the inn._

_I don't think I will. I think I'll just take the job (if I do). I couldn't bear to sell The Dragonfly. So many memories lie here, so much of my soul is poured into the heart of this place. I still go out on the front porch and drink one of my many morning cups of coffee. I sit and stare at the floorboards of that porch, stare at the place where you told me to stand still. As much as I love that memory, it hurts too much to have to come back here every morning and be reminded that I don't have you in my life, that we both just messed this up so badly. I can leave, but I can't sell my share of the inn. There are too many memories of you and me that I don't want to think about but won't let go. I can't sell that front porch, I can't sell room 12, and I can't sell because Michel and Sookie would kill me._

_Luke, I love you and always have and I am so sorry that I ran off and married Christopher in Paris. I thought that that was it, that it was my last chance for the whole package. But you were my last chance. And I'm sorry for everything that happened between us. We should have talked, we should have communicated. I shouldn't have sat there and kept my opinion to myself. I should have told you that I was hurting. But I figured that you would let me in when you felt comfortable, but you never did, Luke. I hope that someday you can let me in, that we can be friends again. I just have to let Chris get used to the idea that you're in my life._

_I think I'm going to take the job. I haven't told anyone yet. I know Sookie will be sad, but I think Christopher will take it in stride. I don't see him much anymore anyway, we both work later than we ever have. _

_I'll stop by before I leave._

_I miss you._

_I love you, Lorelai_

Lorelai reached for some Kleenex on her desk and tried to blot away the tears that had fallen onto the letter, smudging some of the words. Sealing it in an envelope, she stared at the letter, thinking.

"Michel?"

"Yes Lorelai?" Came the annoyed voice, floating down the hall.

"Do we have any stamps?"

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**Yes, I'm a horrible horrbile person. But you know you love me. Reviews? Anyone? Bueller?**


	3. And When I Go There I Go There With You

**A/N: **No Author's Note this time. We'll save the witticisms for the next chapter.

**Disclaimer: **The only thing I own are the voices in my head telling me that my universe is better than the one that the CW owns.

**And When I Go There I Go There With You  
**

Luke silently wiped the counter as the last lunch customer left. Glad for the afternoon lull, he told Lane to take care of the front while he figured out the order. Entering his apartment, he shook his head in disgust at the papers that were stacked on his desk. Sitting down, he started sorting through the mail that had piled up. Way too many bills, the biweekly letter from April (even though he had partial custody, she still wrote him), and two letters. One postmarked Stars Hollow and one postmarked Yale. He knew that the Stars Hollow letter was from the Dragonfly Inn, and he assumed that it was just a check for some work he had done for them when he and Lorelai were still friends, or a note from Sookie. The Yale letter confused him because he never thought of Rory as a letter writing type. Puzzled, he opened the letter and began to read.

_Dear Luke, _

_To keep this short, my mother wrote this on the day of the party that my parents threw for Dad and her. She tried to burn it but as soon as she left the room, I grabbed it. Parts of it were burned off, but I can only assume she wrote this for you. I wanted you to know how she really feels because Mom puts up a good front and I know you try to. Before you continue, I want to say this: Yes, Chris is my father, and I am glad that he started taking a more active part in my life when I was at Chilton. I let him back in on the condition that he wouldn't hurt us anymore. He's been good to Mom and me now that he's in our lives. But then there's you, Luke. You saw me grow up, you were and still are a big part of who I became today. You were the father that was actually there. Thank you for that Luke. For helping Mom in raising me and for always being there. _

_I love you Luke, thank you for being a Dad to me,_

_Rory_

Luke smiled through his tears, remembering Rory as the little girl who had thrown the funeral for some caterpillar or worm. She had kept some bug as a pet and when it died, was so upset about it, she buried it. He quickly pulled out a pad of paper and jotted her a quick note.

_Rory,_

_Anytime. I will always be there for you and have thought of you as a daughter for as long as I can remember. _

_I love you too,_

_Luke_

He sealed it in an envelope, copied the mailing address off of her letter and sealed it, making another pile of stuff to be mailed out. Then, remembering the point of Rory's note, started reading the letter that Rory had included. Silently he read the letter, holding it carefully as if the signed edges would burn him. He sat there for ten minutes reading it again and again, trying to comprehend what she was saying. He was pulled out of his reverie when Lane knocked on the door.

"Luke?" She said, not really wanting to disturb him.

"Yeah Lane?"

"Lorelai's downstairs, says she wants to see you." Luke nodded and Lane turned around and went back downstairs. Luke set the letter down and sat there. How was he supposed to face her after the letter? Sighing, he decided that he couldn't put it off and walked downstairs. He walked into the diner, trying hard to keep what he thought was a normal expression on his face. She was sitting at the counter, empty coffee cup in front of her.

"Luke," she said, smiling faintly.

"Hi Lorelai. Coffee?"

"As if you had to ask."

"I should have known better," Luke said.

"What, no lecture today?"

"Nah." Lorelai smiled again, looking sad. Luke wasn't sure what was wrong but didn't know if he should ask.

"So do you want anything to eat?"

"Nah, I'll just stick with the coffee."

"Okay, well let me know if you need anything," Luke said, trying to escape. Lorelai sadly watched him walk away.

"Luke!"

"Yeah?" He said, turning around."

"French toast with eggs and bacon?"

Luke smiled. "Coming right up."

Luke walked into the kitchen and started the food, knowing that she preferred his food to Caesar's.

"Luke, did you get my letter?" Lorelai asked, puzzled. She mailed her letter almost two weeks ago and had told him that she would stop by before she left, and he was acting like normal Luke.

Luke stopped in mid-fry, startled at her question. Rory had apparently told her mother that she had fished her letter out of the fire and mailed it to him. "Yes I did."

Lorelai frowned. He was acting like it was no big deal that she was leaving. She said nothing else, his response hanging in the air. She decided act out of character and not push it. She sat there, staring out the window as the rain dripped, splashing on the pavement.

She jumped in her seat, the sudden crack of lightning startling her.

"Everything okay?" Luke asked, coming out of the kitchen.

"Yeah, why?"

"Rory is usually the jumpy one."

"Oh. Well, the lightning came out of nowhere..."

"As lightning tends to do." Lorelai smiled faintly and nodded, taking another sip of coffee. Luke stood there for a moment, unsure of whether or not he should continue the conversation. Finally, he decided to go back into the kitchen, Lorelai quietly exhaled, finally letting go of the breath she didn't know she was holding.

Lorelai watched as Luke brought her food out, the sound of the rain filling the diner.

"So, you got the letter," she asked hesitantly. Luke nodded, and poured her another cup of coffee.

Luke walked to the back, confused as to why she would bring it up. She had thrown it into the fire. She wrote it, but she burned it. Even if she had meant what she wrote, she didn't want him to know about it.

Lorelai frowned at his retreating figure. She figured he must have accepted what happened between them. Mentally kicking herself for even mailing that letter, she quickly scarfed down her food, downed her coffee and stood up.

"Luke, I'm finished."

"Okay," Luke said, sticking his head out of the kitchen. "Do you need anything else?"

_Yes._ "No thanks. I'm going to head out."

"Do you need an umbrella?"

"Oh." Lorelai said, looking out at the now torrential rain. "No, I'll be okay. My car is right outside."

"Okay, well then, I'll see you later."

Lorelai nodded, grabbing her purse. "I'll see you around Luke."

Luke looked up from the coffee he was measuring out and smiled quizzically. "Sure Lorelai, I'll see you around."

Lorelai looked around the diner sadly, then walked out the door into the rain, the bell jingling behind her. It had been a little over a year since they had broken up, and even she had been into the diner only a few times since everything fell apart, she would definitely miss it.

Sliding into her car, she sat there, staring at the steering wheel. Frowning, she opened her phone and checked her voicemail. When she had finished double-checking her flight arrangements, she snapped her phone shut and jumped when it started ringing immediately.

"Hello?"

"You sound panicked."

"I had just shut the phone when your call came through."

"I was blessed with perfect timing."

"You call perfect timing scaring you mother out of her wits?"

"Well I could either scare you by performing a simple task such as calling you, or I could dress like Britney Spears."

"Well what era of Britney are we talking about?"

"Take your pick."

"Good point. The phone still startled me though." Lorelai giggled and started her car, putting it into gear and starting the drive home.

"I'll chalk that up as an added bonus"

"Mean!"

"You know you love me."

"Well, I have to. You're my favorite and only daughter. That I know of."

"So your flight leaves at four?"

"My flight leaves at 5:30, and I'll get into Colorado around 10:30, Denver time, with a lovely pit stop in Philadelphia, giving me a wonderful seven hour trip. I can't wait."

"Well I'm packing your carry-on for you, but I'll leave some room just in case there's something you think of that I don't have the foresight to pack."

"So where are you? It's noon now and It'll take an hour to get there and you know how freaked out I get about the possibility of missing a flight."

"Oh yeah, we all know how punctual you are."

"Okay, okay. I'm just going to miss you."

"I told you I would fly out when I could, come see you wherever you are at the moment."

"It's not the same."

"Well, in response to your earlier question, I'm just pulling in now." Lorelai pulled the phone away from her ear, now hearing the gravel under the tires as Rory drove up. Lorelai shut her phone without saying goodbye and ran downstairs, throwing the door open to greet her daughter.

"Daughter!"

"You hung up on me!" Rory exclaimed, running up to Lorelai and stopping short of a hug.

"It was done for the greater good!"

"And what greater good would that be?"

"Your cell phone bill," Lorelai stated, grinning.

"Oh right. Okay!" Rory laughed, tackling her mother for a hug.

"I'm just going to shower really quickly and I'll be ready to go." Rory nodded as Lorelai ran upstairs towards the bathroom.

A few hours later, they were standing at the gate, Lorelai's gigantic suitcase checked in with the skycap and both girls trying not to cry.

"So you'll send letters? And postcards?"

"Only if you do."

"Well, with my fancy new job at the New York Times-"

"What? You got the job and you waited until now to tell me?"

"Yes, I got the job. And it's just as a guest columnist until I find something else."

"This is big, kid."

"I know," Rory said, eyes shining with tears that reflected her mother's.

"So we'll write. And call, and talk so often it's going to be like I never left."

"Well, it's not like we live together anymore anyway."

"I know, but this is different. Now we're both out of the Crap Shack, living our lives."

"Speaking of which, where is Dad?"

"Speaking of which? How was that a speaking of which? And he had to work today, a meeting he couldn't get out of. So what's in my bag?" Lorelai asked quickly, desperately trying to change the subject.

"So he's upset that you're leaving?"

Lorelai sighed. "Yeah, he is. I think it's bringing back Sherry memories."

"But this is totally different. You're actually giving him notice, you're not leaving him and the marriage, you're just taking a job where you travel a lot."

"I think it's the whole "I'm going to be gone for a month or so at a time and that bothers him."

"We'll, he knows you're flying back some weekends."

"Yeah he does."

"So what's the problem?"

"Oh hon, it's nothing for you to worry about. He supports this. I'm not leaving him, and he knows that.

"If you say so."

"I do. Now whats in the bag?!"

"That's a surprise. You can't open it until you're past security and have a large cup of airport Starbucks coffee in your hands."

"Mean!"

"Aww, well I know how much we Gilmore girls love surprises." Rory smiled at her Mom and pulled her into a hug again. "Okay, you have to go. Call me when you land?"

"Of course kiddo. Do me a favor?"

"No I will not finish whatever project you started right before you left."

"Well, in that case, check in on your Dad for me? I'll call and everything, but just for the next week or so, call and make sure he's okay?"

"Dad's lived by himself before you know."

"Not in Stars Hollow."

"True. Sure, okay."

"And hon? Could you go by Luke's, see if he's doing alright? I stopped in before leaving and he was acting strange."

'Um, sure." Rory said quickly. Luke had probably read her letter and didn't know how to act around Lorelai now.

"Okay babe, I need to get going. Love you!"

"Love you too Mom," Rory said, hugging Lorelai back. Lorelai smiled and picked up her pink carry-on bag and waked into the airport.

After she had gotten past the x-ray line, she stopped at the first Starbucks she passed, got her cappuccino and sat down in the hard chair. Smiling she opened the bag, anxious to see what Rory had packed for her. Reaching in the bag, the first thing she pulled out was a bag of brownies, with a note written on it from Sookie, telling her that she loved her and would miss her. Lorelai made a mental note to save the bag, pulled out a brownie and reached in her carry-on again. This time she pulled out a book of TV Guide crossword puzzles, with post-it notes marking the easy ones. A pink glitter pen was taped to the front of the book and another post-it with a smiley was next to it. Looking in the bag, she noticed a few Emily Giffin books, a few packs of Red Vines and some other candy bars, and a package that had yet another yellow post-it, this one reading " _open me on the plane."_ Lorelai sighed and obeyed. She pulled out one of the books, grabbed another brownie and waited for her plane to board.

As soon as she was settled in her business class seat with a blanket over her legs, she pulled out the box and opened it. In it was another box with another post-it. _"Open me when you reach cruising altitude." _Rolling her eyes in frustration, she opened the book and grabbed another brownie and some Red Vines, and waited again.

When the captain finished his cruising altitude announcement, Lorelai took the box that had been in her lap and opened it. No more post-it notes, but a letter taped to a gift-wrapped box.

_Mom,_

_I know by now you're probably livid with my making you wait all this time to open this, but I believe in following the rules of the airplane, even though you don't. So open the present now. _

Lorelai put the letter on her tray table and opened the box to find a pink iPod. Grinning, she picked the letter up and continued.

_Yes, I bought you an iPod. I know you're not all high tech but its good for traveling. So put the headphones in, push play, and listen to the song I set up for you. As for the music and software, it's already all set up for you. I snuck onto your computer during your "quick shower" and installed everything and got you some music while I was at it. Everything is in the box. Charger, cords, etc. I even got you a dock for it with speakers so you can play it without headphones. It's in your suitcase. I love you Mom. Have fun.  
_

_Rory_

Lorelai put the white earbuds in and pushed play. A few seconds later, she heard the beginning of "Where The Streets Have No Name" begin to play. Smiling, she went through the music as Bono sang, seeing what music Rory had given her. She giggled as she saw what her daughter had chosen, they were all there. Blondie, The Bangles, U2, Bowie, The Sparks, XTC, Bon Jovi, the list went on and on but they were all there. Closing her eyes, she let Bono calm her nerves for the rest of the flight.

Luke wiped the counter for the umpteenth time that night, again wondering how Lorelai was doing. He walked back upstairs, grabbing the letter for Rory, and seeing the time, decided to open the rest of the mail later. He was all caught up on his bills so anything else could wait until tomorrow.


	4. Il Cuore Mio Vuole Soltanto Te

**A/N: **Okay. Chapter 3 ½ is here. A soliloquy if you will.

**Disclaimer: **Still not mine. Dang.

_**Il Cuore Mio Vuole Soltanto Te**_

Luke groaned as he reached for the snooze button, a habit that somehow hadn't died when Lorelai and he did. He got up 20 minutes later and decided to whittle down that stack of letters. Sitting down at his kitchen table, he carefully sorted the letters into piles and started opening envelopes.

He hesitated when he came to the Dragonfly Inn Envelope, knowing that it came from her. It didn't matter that it was probably an old bill being paid, it still came from her. He carefully sliced it open and opened the enclosed letter. He started reading, surprised to see it wasn't an old invoice, but a letter. As he read, his heart sank, the panic in his body rising to an unbearable level. He raced downstairs, not caring that he was only wearing was his sweatpants, ran to his truck and sped all the way over to Lorelai's, praying fervently for a miracle, hoping that she was still there. As he pulled up, he knew she wasn't. The house, even from the outside, had lost something innate, it had lost it's Gilmore-ness. He sighed and drove away, already knowing that he was going to shut down the diner for the day. Or at least leave Lane in charge.

He startled himself by driving past the diner, not even slowing down to consider going home. After calling Caesar and Lane, leaving both instructions, he drove in silence, only realizing when he tried to stop for gas that he wasn't wearing neither a shirt nor shoes. Reaching back, he dug around behind the seats until he came up with a sweatshirt. Surprised that he even had the shirt, he decided not to push his luck or waste time looking for shoes. He quietly patted himself on the back for having the good sense to pull over at a truck stop and walked inside to buy sandals. After getting gas and some water, he continued driving until the silence started to get to him. Silence meant thinking, and thinking led to thoughts about Lorelai. And if he didn't stop driving soon, he knew he would eventually call Rory to find out where Lorelai was, and drive to her. He listened to the radio for a little while as he drove in circles on the roads outside of Woodbridge, not committing to a destination. He sighed in frustration as the music kept getting worse and worse. Finally he hit the button, shutting off the music, deciding to press play on the tape player, and hope that whatever was stuck in the tape deck would be tolerable. He heard nothing for a few seconds and as he turned the volume up, it started.

"Love! You want it? You can have it. And not compromised, stifling, soul-killing love, but-" Luke slammed his hand against the radio, desperately trying to stop the self-help tape. He jammed his finger against the eject button, grabbed the tape and threw it out of the window, wanting to be as far away from it as possible. An hour later, Luke pulled up in front of the packed diner, took a deep breath, and walked inside. The noise in the diner virtually ceased as the townies noticed Luke walk in. He didn't acknowledge any of them, but walked upstairs. Babbette jumped at the sudden sound of the door slamming shut.

"So what do you think?" She asked, turning to Patty.

"I think he heard about Lorelai moving to Colorado." She shook her head sadly and sipped her coffee.

"You think he'll ever be the same? I know I wouldn't be if I ever lost Morey! I'd die!"

"As a woman who has loved and lost many soul mates, even the same soul mate more than once, I think he'll be fine. Eventually."

"This isn't like it was with Rachel though."

"No, it's not."

The women flinched as they heard a crash come from upstairs, followed by a few more loud noises. The door slammed again and the townspeople watched Luke stalk out of the diner with a bag in hand, get into his car, and drive away again.

An hour later, Luke was sitting on the motel bed, staring at the open bottle of tequila in his hands. He just wanted to forget, for one night. He wanted to pass out, to be able to fall asleep without thinking of her. He turned on the television, settled back into bed, and lifted the bottle to his lips.

----------------------------

**Okay, so let me know what you think. Trying to stir up some emotion here people. Haven't you heard? Emotions are good! Now who wants to stand in line to get hit with the Oprah stick?** **If you feel like volunteering, just press the blue button below that says "submit review" and let me know. :)**

And for anyone who isn't in love with Josh Groban, first of all I'm sorry. And second, _**Il cuore mio vuole soltanto te **_means "my heart wants only you." It's from the song _Per Te, _which is just beautiful.


	5. You Dont Know Me You Dont Wear My Chains

**A/N: **So I promised wit. Hmm... It'll come out eventually. I am sorry though, I haven't posted in forever. But hark, what's this? Two new chapters? Well, one and a half chapters. Actually, if you take into consideration my usually chapter length, it's only one new chapter. But I felt they needed to be broken up, so there you have it. Two! Two new chapters! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha. And if you actually bothered to read that, you must say it out loud doing the voice of the Count from Sesame Street. It's funnier that way, trust me.

Or maybe you shouldn't, I'm about to be really really really mean to you. Don't believe me? Read on.

**You Don't Know Me, You Don't Wear My Chains**

Lorelai rubbed her eyes as she stared at the clock. 1:30 a.m. She had been in Denver for almost a month and a half and she still hadn't adjusted to anything. She turned over in her bed, sat up and grabbed her cell phone and dialed. She could hear the faint ringing of her office phone downstairs and then the beep as it went to voicemail.

"Better cable, better sheets, new mattresses." She hung up, closed her eyes and tried to sleep.

She flipped on her other side and grabbed her pillow, hugging it close to her. As she stared at her newfound nemesis, the number flipped from 1:35 to 1:36. Finally settling on the name "Keyser Soze" for it, she spent the next few minutes plotting ways to destroy the King of All Evil Alarm Clocks. When that didn't put her to sleep, she turned on the light and pulled out her book, hoping that the latest edition of "InStyle" would help her sleep. She read mindlessly, finally noticing she was nearing the end of the magazine, no sleep in sight. Cursing, she snapped the magazine shut and threw it on the floor. She stared out the window, watching the rain drip down. The familiar feeling was gripping her stomach, trying to make her think of Luke. She sighed, trying to force the feeling away, that darkness that was trying to pull her into her own thoughts. She knew that if she thought about it, she wouldn't be able to stop.

She shut off the light and tried to force herself to sleep. She knew that 7:30a.m. would get there quickly.

After only a few hours sleep, she dragged herself out of bed and got ready, coming downstairs to the steaming hot cup of coffee that was always waiting for her. Passing through the lobby, Lorelai greeted some of her new coworkers and she was reminded once again of how much most of these people really didn't want her there. Her presence was a constant reminder of how poorly the inn was doing. She sighed, longing for the days of Sookie and Michel, who were almost always glad to see her. Well, Sookie was always glad to see her.

Lorelai walked out of her office and up to the front desk. Cindy had left the desk unmanned again, probably to go get coffee. Lorelai looked up from the note she was leaving her just as she was walking out of the dining room.

"Good morning Lorelai!" Cindy called out as she gave Lorelai her cup of coffee, took her place and sat. Cindy was an intern from the business department at the University of Colorado at Denver and was the perkiest person Lorelai had ever worked with.

"Morning Cindy." Lorelai said, trying again to remember who Cindy reminded her of. Suddenly, she had it. "Hey Cindy?"

"Yeah Lore?" Lorelai winced at the nickname. She should have known better than to go shopping with her last week.

"Have you ever seen "You've Got Mail"?"

"Nope!"

Lorelai shook her head. "Like Parker Posey, only a little less intense." she muttered to herself. Intense, but sweet, it was Cindy who usually brought her her morning, mid-morning, afternoon and evening coffees, all without being asked.

"What?" Lorelai saw the confused look on her face and instantly felt bad. Then she remembered why she was still talking to her in the first place.

"Cindy, listen. I know we've talked about this, but it's really important to stay at the front desk. At all times. Unless there is someone else who can cover you, then that's fine. But you always need someone up here." Cindy nodded, trying to keep her composure but Lorelai could see the tears beginning to form.

She sighed. "Cindy, it's okay, no big deal. You're not going to lose your job and I still like you, I promise. And thank you for the coffee." Cindy nodded her understanding. Lorelai smiled and quickly excused herself. Sighing as she walked back into her office, she took out her ever-growing list of improvements that the inn needed to make. She sat down at her desk and began to work.

A few hours later after staring at charts and graphs detailing projected rises in profits, she still couldn't focus on her work, her thoughts wandering to the life she had B.M.A., Before Mike Armstrong. Rory hadn't changed much, with exception to Logan being the yin to her yang. Sookie and Jackson were still together but with more kids than ever. Well, the third one was on the way but they had agreed to stop there. Her parents were still Emily and Richard at their finest, no matter what life threw at them. The only thing that was different was Luke. Every cup of coffee, every pancake and piece of French toast reminded her of him; regardless of whether or not she wanted to admit it to anyone, she still loved him. She smiled, thinking about his baseball cap, wondering what became of the one she gave him. At the time, she hadn't known that he would wear it for the next few years, through all their fights, even through their first breakup, that cap was there. Then she thought about that letter that she had sent him, that stupid letter, the reason for her sleepless nights. Judging by his non-reaction, he was over it, over what had happened between them. Over her. She smiled sadly and was interrupted by a knock at her door.

She looked up and noticed the head chef, Alie in her doorway.

"What's that look for?" Alie asked, walking over and grabbing Lorelai's purse.

"Memories. I'll explain later. Lunch?"

"Of course. Why else would I bother to come back here to the Pit of Despair? You usually have to hunt me down. But I said to myself, "Self, it's already 2:30 in the afternoon. Either Lorelai is sick and didn't come to work today, or she's dead because she missed lunch and starved.' So I thought I'd come and check out what was going on back here. Because you know, if there are any wild parties being had, I want to be invited."

"Alie, can we go out today? It's not that I don't like your food, you know I love your food. You have to meet my friend Sookie someday. But I need a change in scenery." Alie nodded in understanding and mentioned a local pub where she knew the cooks. Lorelai grabbed her coat as her phone started ringing. Chuckling, she asked Alie to wait.

"Hello?"

"Lore! How is Colorado?" Lorelai winced as she heard the voice. Chris had started calling her once a week, reminding her of his calls to Rory while she was growing up.

"Cold. Snowy. I feel like I'm going to run into the Abominable Snowmonster someday soon."

"The Abominable Snowmonster? Is that anything like the Abominable Snowman?"

"Never mind. How are things in Stars Hollow?"

"Good, good. Same old small town. I just wanted to let you know I need to fly to Chicago on business. I leave tonight. Okay?"

"Sure Chris."

"Okay, I'll talk to you later. Love you!"

"Oh, wait Chris-" Lorelai soon gave up as she realized that he had already hung up. Staring at her phone in astonishment, she barely heard Alie trying to get her attention.

"Lorelai? Are you ready to go eat? Are you okay? Lorelai?"

"Oh! Sorry! Yeah, let's go eat."

"Who was that?"

"My husband." Lorelai said in her 'I'm not answering any more questions' tone. Alie got the hint and stayed silent.

They arrived and when they were seated and had ordered, Alie demanded the news.

"So what was that look for in your office?"

"Oh, well I was thinking about this guy I used to know." Lorelai said.

"Used to know? In a past life?"

"Pretty much."

"Details?"

"Sure. Well, his name was, _is _Luke. He runs the diner in Stars Hollow," Lorelai said, staring out the window."

"And you dated him."

"I was engaged to him."

"Really?"

"Oh don't look so shocked."

"Well you talk about it like it was recent, and you're married now. Not to Luke."

"Yeah. Luke and I broke up about a year ago."

"Wow."

"Heh, yeah."

"But you already knew Chris."

"Yeah, we have a history so it really wasn't as rushed as it seems."

"How long were Luke and you together?"

"A few years. Two years. Hey look, our food is here!" Lorelai skillfully changed the topic and Alie got the hint. They ate, sticking to lighter topics, Lorelai mentioning that she needed to get back to the inn soon, ensuring no more deep conversations.

They finished and left, walked along in silence for a while, chatting about nothing when they were interrupted by Lorelai's cell phone.

"Hello? Sookie, hold on. Wait, what? Oh my god," Lorelai stopped walking, trying to process the news.

"Um, yeah sure, I'll come back. I'll get on a flight tonight. Bye."

"Is everything okay?"

"Oh wow, oh man." Lorelai shook her head in disbelief as her mind raced, trying to figure out plans.

"Lorelai?"

"Yeah I'm okay, i just can't believe he's dead."

"Oh no! I'm so sorry. Who died?"

"Someone from home."

----------------------------

**Told you I was mean. :-p Mwahahahahaha. Well, we all know who it can't be, so don't fret my pretties. Don't fret, but I'll bet, that you're all set, to push the review button. Okay, so I couldn't think of other words for 'button' or 'review' that fit the rhyme scheme. Whatever, I'm claiming poetic license.**


	6. Forgive Me If I Slip Away

**A/N** Okay, so I know I left you guys with a sad moment with the tequila and with a cliffhanger with the death, but I promise I'll do better with this chapter. I'm also sorry it took so long to get this one out. I find it hard to write when my muse goes on vacation. And also, when I'm happy it's harder to write. My muse is also my dark side. Scary, huh?  
**Disclaimer:** Not-not mine. Not-not mine.

**Forgive Me If I Slip Away  
**

Lorelai stepped out of the airport and pulled her jacket tighter around her, the cool air seeping through the light layer she had thrown on at the last minute. The October night was bitter and she inwardly scolded herself for her poor wardrobe choice. She quickly forgot about the cold, her mind wandering to other things. She just couldn't believe he was dead, couldn't imagine Stars Hollow without him. She tried calling Christopher again, not bothering to leave yet another message for him.

She rented a car and as soon as she got the coupe on the road, her thoughts wandered to her town and the people she had left behind. She couldn't even begin to imagine how the town would function without him; every one would feel lost, especially Kirk. Kirk had shared a bond with Taylor, but it didn't matter that only Kirk felt it, it was there. Her reverie was suddenly interrupted by the jaunty ring of her cell phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Lore. You called?"

"Yeah, I was wondering if you could get away this weekend. Someone-"

"Sorry Lore, I've got meetings all weekend. I'm not going to be able to fly out there."

"But Chris, Taylor-"

"Did something crazy and you don't want me to get sucked in? Thanks, but I can't. Work is good but crazy right now. We're trying to land this account and I just can't get away. Take care, I love you and I'll call as soon as I get the chance."

"Love you too Chris, bye." Lorelai said, grateful for the fact that she at least got to say goodbye to her husband this time.

She drove in silence, realizing when she pulled up to her dark house that she had been holding her breath. She wasn't sure how everyone would react to seeing her after leaving the town so abruptly. She turned of the ignition and her questions were answered.

"Lorelai! Doll! You're back!" Babbette yelled as she tore across the lawn, enveloping the startled yet happy brunette.

"Babbette, how are you?" Lorelai said, laughing as the hug continued.

"Oh Lorelai, things have been so different since you left."

"Well yeah, Taylor died."

"There's that. Luke is even more of a loner than ever, Rory comes to visit once a month but now that you're gone, her visits are few and far between. No one's seen Kirk since we got the news, and Andrew and Gypsy-"

"Finally got together?'

"Yes!"

"It's about damn time. And I'll talk to Rory, tell her you miss her."

"Thanks sugar. Okay, I need to get back to Morey. See you tomorrow?" Lorelai nodded happily, glad to be back in her hometown, even though it was a sad occasion. She walked into the dark house, dropped her luggage and plopped down on the couch.

"Ow!"

"Oh my god!" Lorelai sprang back up and blindly grabbed for the nearest object. Wielding her pillow, she slowly advanced on the figure still lying on her sofa.

"Who are you?"

"Ow!" The person cried as Lorelai whacked them in the head with the pillow. "Mom!"

"Rory?"

"No, it's Muffin, your other daughter. Of course it's me! What's your damage?"

"God Rory! I didn't know you were going to be here!"

"I called you to tell you I was coming home for Taylor's funeral."

"Right. Home to Stars Hollow."

"Home to our house."

"Well why are you on the couch?"

"I fell asleep watching TV."

"I missed you kid."

"I missed you too crazy lady."

"Okay, we'll catch up over coffee at Weston's tomorrow. I'm off to bed." Rory nodded in agreement, and watched her Mom disappear upstairs. She was changing into her pajamas when she heard Lorelai walking into her room.

"Of course, your mattress is so much more comfortable than mine. I think mine is mad at me since I've been gone for so long," she said, stretching out on Rory's bed. Rory sighed and climbed in next to her, smiling at the image of her mom dozing off with Colonel Clucker in her arms.

----------------------------

"Taylor was like a father to me. Even though I never knew my real father, Taylor was a good replacement. After I was attacked by a band of swans I was delivering, Taylor hired me for my first real job, knowing that he could take a chance on a lonely young man who only had his mother for company. I was very much like the ugly duckling, waiting for someone to teach me to become a beautiful swan, and Taylor, being the great man that he was, took me under his wing and molded me, like a sculptor molds sculptures. I would not be the man I am today without Taylor Doose." Kirk looked away and pulled out his handkerchief, dabbing his eyes daintily.

"This is number one. I wonder who two and three are going to be," Lorelai whispered to Sookie.

"No, actually this is number two."

"Sookie! Who could have possibly died while I was gone? And how did I not know about it?"

"You have to promise not to laugh."

"Why would I laugh? Someone is dead. I can be serious."

"You can't laugh."

"Sookie, this is me. I won't laugh!"

"On second thought, I'll tell you once the funeral is over. I can't tell you now."

"Unfair!"

"How is my not wanting you to crack up during a funeral unfair?"

"Um, because you have this great lead in, and you don't deliver?"

"Lorelai, I will tell you later!"

"Well, just touch me in the morning and then walk away!" Lorelai turned to face the front as Kirk was wrapping up his eulogy, trying to ignore the muffled giggles coming from her friend.

"You guys wrap that up?"

"Honey, you have got to get over this aversion of talking during funerals. We're Gilmore girls, we talk during everything else, why should funerals be the exception?"

"Maybe because it's a time to pay our respects, to honor the dead?"

"We didn't honor him that much in life, Taylor should feel honored that so many people actually showed up."

"Mom!"

"Oh come on, you know it's true."

"He may have been a mean, over-bearing, control-freak, town-obsessed bitter bitter man, but it's Taylor. He did so much for this town. A little too much when you think about it, but that's not the point."

"That's true too."

"And you know there's only one reason why everyone showed up."

"What's that babe?"

"Everyone wanted to see what he would be buried in."

"Hmmm... Ugly sweater or Candyman outfit?"

"Exactly," Rory giggled as her mom put her arm around her and pulled her into a hug.

"I missed you kid."

"Missed you too Mom."

Lorelai stared at the front of the church, willing the time to pass by faster. Every so often, she caught herself glancing at the door every time someone new walked in.

"You know he's not coming, right?" Lorelai turned to Sookie with a half-hearted smile.

"I know. But it just seems weird. He's a part of this town too. I know how much they didn't get along, but still. It doesn't seem right that Luke's not here."

"I meant Christopher. Luke's here. At the back in the corner. Of course Luke's here. Why wouldn't he be here?"

"Oh. Yeah, you're right." Lorelai said absently as she tried to sneak a glance at Luke. As usual he looked good, but incredibly uncomfortable in his suit and was staring at the floor. He looked up as he felt her stare, and gave a nod. She smiled in return and turned back, refocusing on the spot on the wall she had been staring at for the past hour. Many people had spoken about Taylor and there seemed to be no end in sight. Only in death was Taylor Doose truly appreciated.

"Everyone, can I have your attention?" Lorelai snapped back to attention as Miss Patty took the microphone. "Taylor being the true town lover that he was, had one final instruction for the town in his capacity of Town Selectman. He asked us to vote for an interim Selectman, to take office only until town elections where they can run for office officially, following proper procedures of course. Are there any nominations?"

"Well Taylor was the only Selectman we've had in the past 20 years. Is there anyone else who can really do the job?" Babbette yelled out from her spot in the front row.

"Now that's not true," Kirk said, standing up. With the exception of his eulogy, he had remained silent in the days following Taylor's death. "Jackson was selectman. He can do it."

The townspeople muttered in agreement while Jackson grew pale at the thought of having to do the job again.

"I nominate Jackson Belleville for Town Selectman!" Kirk said, staring adoringly at his new role model.

"I second that nomination!"

"Lorelai!" Jackson glared at his wife's best friend.

"Sorry," she said, grinning sheepishly.

"No! No, I will not be Town Selectman again! No! I'm sorry, you're just going to have to find someone else!" Jackson said to the astonished crowd.

"I have an idea," Rory said, standing up. "Why pick just one Selectman? How about a council. That way, no one person is bothered. Have weekly meetings where people can bring up their issues and concerns without having to harass the person chosen for the job. Don't just assign it to one poor soul."

"That's a good idea Rory," Miss Patty said. "All in favor?"

"Aye!" came the resounding vote, since no one actually wanted the job.

"Alright, we'll discuss who will be on the council at the next town meeting. I officially declare this funeral over." Miss Patty smiled as she knew Taylor would approve.

--------------

"So who was number one?" Lorelai asked as soon as they left the church.

"The town loner."

"What? The town loner? In the month I was gone, the town loner died?"

"Don't laugh."

It was too late, Lorelai was already giggling. "But how did they find him? I mean, the town loner, who people see at most, if they're lucky, once a year. I would have thought it would have taken more than a month to at least find the body!"

"And this is why I didn't tell you in there."

"Yes I'm very predictable. So how did it happen?"

"The death or the finding?"

"Both?"

"Heart attack. As for the finding, he wanted to stage another protest, so he set up a meeting with Taylor and never showed. Taylor freaked, so he got Miss Patty and the two of them went to find him, and they did. It was all very strange. There was no funeral because it was the town loner. It just didn't seem right. There was a little service graveside, but it all happened right after you left. I knew if I had called you you would have come home. The timing didn't seem right."

"Poor town loner."

"Yeah, it was really sad."

"Everything is changing around here Sookie."

"Not really. Just Taylor and the town loner. Everyone else is still the same. With the exception of Gypsy and Andrew."

"Thank god those two finally got together."

"Want to go to Weston's? Grab some dinner?"

"Sure, we can take my car."

----------------------------

A few hours later, Lorelai dropped Sookie off at her house, waited to see if she made it in all right before driving off. As she drove past the diner and made a quick decision to get something off her chest.

"Why didn't you say goodbye?" Lorelai said, barreling into the diner, enjoying the fact that her unannounced entrance startled Luke.

"Lorelai! Jeez, you scared me!"

"You said you got my letter. Why didn't you say goodbye Luke? Yes, we have a rough history. Between what happened with Chris and me, and the saga with April, Anna and you, I know we were great fodder for a crappy soap opera, but you never said goodbye! Even Sam said goodbye to Diane when she left to write her novel!"

"Who the hell are Sam and Diane?"

"_Cheers_, move past it! Why didn't you say goodbye?"

"Can you at least sit down and have a cup of coffee while I explain?" He asked, taking a stool off the counter so she could sit.

"You're offering me coffee now? Has hell frozen over? Did The Bangles get back together too?"

"Just drink the coffee," Luke said, sliding the cup in front of the still empty seat. Lorelai stared at him for a moment before accepting the drink and sitting down.

She sighed, taking a long sip of the coffee she had missed. "Well?"

"The reason I didn't say goodbye was because I didn't know you were leaving."

"Liar."

"How am I a liar? If I had known you were leaving, I would have-"

"Would have what?"

"Tried to stop you," he finished lamely.

"I still call liar on that one. You told me you got my letter that day I came in to the diner."

"I got two letters."

"There was only one," Lorelai retorted. Luke paused for a moment, trying to decide whether or not he should show her the other one.

"There was another letter." Luke said, pulling a tattered, stained paper out of his pocket , handing it to her. Unfolding it, she realized there were two papers folded inside of the letter she had sent to him. One from Rory and one with burned edges. Squinting to read the writing in the dim light, she finally recognized it.

"This is-"

"The letter you wrote to me the day your parents threw you the big wedding. Rory fished it out of the fire and sent it to me."

"This is what you meant when you said you got my letter."

"Yeah."

"That's why you were avoiding me that day."

"Yeah, it was a little awkward. I was really confused when you brought up your letter, I didn't think you knew that I had it."

"So when did you finally read the letter I sent?"

"The next morning. And by then Rory was back at Yale, and you were gone. I could have called your cell phone and said goodbye, but at that point, what is there to say? 'Goodbye, sorry I didn't realize you were leaving earlier?' And by the time I figured out what to say, it felt like it was too late to call anyway." Lorelai looked into her empty coffee cup and held it out for a refill. Finding it hard to look Luke in the eyes, she spoke to the counter. "What would you have said?"

"I would have said that I was sorry. Sorry that I didn't realize that you were leaving, sorry that I didn't make things right between us before you left."

"Sounds good," Lorelai whispered, finally finding the courage to look in Luke's eyes. She smiled sadly, "maybe you can call me when I go back and tell me that. And you can catch me up on your life."

"I'd like that."

Lorelai nodded. "Well, I have to head home. Rory went back to Yale, so it's just me but I have an early flight tomorrow morning."

"Alright."

"Bye Luke." Luke smiled and waved back.

"Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"My number is still the same." Lorelai smiled and walked out the door.

Driving home, she realized the pit in her stomach that had taken up residence there for the past month was gone. She hoped that tonight would be the night where she would get a decent amount of sleep, an event that hadn't happened since June 3rd.

Her mood fell a little when she saw Chris' car in the parking lot. She shook her head, trying to convince herself that while all she wanted was a good nights sleep, he had probably canceled meetings to fly home to be with her.She climbed the stairs, assuming he was already asleep since the house was dark. Entering her room, she tried to be quiet to avoid waking him up, but decided that she needed the light to find her hair dryer for the morning. Flipping on the light, she saw Chris curled up in bed, arms wrapped around a blond.

Chris sat up straight in bed as soon as the hair dryer hit the wall.

"What the hell?"

"What the hell? You want a what the hell moment? How about I come home to my house and find my husband with another woman!"

"Lorelai?"

"Ten points to Captain Obvious!"

"Lorelai, what are you doing home?"

"I told you I was coming home when we talked on the phone. When you said you were preoccupied with work?"

"You never said you were coming home to Stars Hollow."

"Taylor died. But so not the point here! What the hell Chris?!"

"Chris, what's going on?" The woman said, sitting up.

"Nicole?"

----------------------------

Okay, so I lied. Sue me. Or review. I prefer the latter. :) Reviewing is fun too. And the review button contains all kinds of vitamins and minerals essential for a healthy diet. Okay, so we've established that I'm crazy. Like this is news...

Oh, and since you guys hate cliffhangers so much (can't really say I blame you...) here's a little hint from me to you. I use song lyrics for my title chapters. Look the songs up. Read the lyrics. The words might, just might, reveal more about the characters. I'm not saying the whole song every time, mostly a line or two here and there. And if you can't find the song, shoot me a message with the lyric in question and I'll send you the lyrics.


	7. That You'll Find Me, That You'll See Me

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls. That makes me kind of sad. You know what else makes me sad? That I don't own House

**A/N:** This one goes out to the one I love! This one goes out to the one I leffffffffffffffffffft Be-hind! In other words, HazieRox, this is officially for you. All for you. Thank you for inspiring me to continue this. I didn't feel like it was fair to anyone to not update for a year and keep it on the site without an explanation, but now I don't have to worry about that. I hope you enjoy this! I'll try to update as much as I can, but between going to school full time and working 40 hours a week, it won't be every other day. But I promise, it will never be six months (or however long it was since I posted the last chapter) again. :)

But now, since HazieRox is awesome, here ya go. Enjoy.

**That you'll find me, and that you'll see me, That you run and never tire**

Lorelai couldn't believe her eyes. Nicole was here, in her bed with Chris. Nicole. Luke's Nicole. _Shudder._ That thought bothered her more than the thought of her with Chris. She'll visit that thought later. Nicole. Chris and Nicole. Nicole. Sockman. Was Chris the Sockman? Oh god! Chris helped Nicole cheat on Luke. _That bastard.__** Wait.**_ Whether or not it was true, it was unimportant. _**Focus.**_ He was cheating on her. This was not the time to be indignant because Chris and Nicole hurt Luke.

"Nicole?"

"Who's Nicole? Chris? Who is that?"

"That's, uh, this is Lorelai." Lorelai couldn't believe what she heard. Looking at her face again, being careful to avoid the parts that this vicious trollop didn't worry about covering as she sat up in her bed, she realized it was not Nicole. Sure she was blond and blue-eyed with the same sharp features, she was not Nicole Leahy.

"His wife." Lorelai said, adding what Christopher couldn't seem to spit out.

"Wife? You have a wife? You told me she died!" Not Nicole screamed at him as she scrambled out of bed, frantically rushing about the room trying to gather her clothes.

"Technically I didn't, I just said she wasn't with us," Chris mumbled, not realizing until too late that he was definitely not helping the situation.

"Lorelai? It's Lorelai, right?" Not Nicole said, stopping in front of the still shocked woman. Lorelai nodded.

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I-"

"Just go?" Not Nicole's face fell as she was not going to get the absolution she sought.

"Hey!" Lorelai called back.

"You didn't know." She nodded and left.

"You." Lorelai said, turning to face Christopher.

"Lore-"

"I tried, I told myself that when I came home from that stupid job in Colorado, we would talk, and we would get past whatever it was that was holding us back, that was stopping us from being married. Because let's face it, Chad Michael Murray is better at relationships than we are!"

"Lorelai-"

"No, my turn now." She sighed and moved towards the bed, sitting down on the edge. "I know you were upset that I moved, that I furthered my career rather than choose to stay home and raise our hypothetical children, but you never said anything. You just watched me walk out, just let me go. I guess that's why I thought we still had a chance." She brushed away the tears that had started streaming down her face. Lorelai stared at the floor, missing the hopeful look that had appeared on Christopher's face as she was talking.

"Lorelai, I'm sorry," he spoke, regret coating his words."I should have told you I didn't want you to leave, that I wanted you to stay. I should have talked to you about these things." Lorelai looked up, searching his face, hoping that his apology was sincere. She remained silent for a few minutes while Christopher looked like he was about to start crying at any moment. When she spoke again her tone was even, the resolve making her strong.

"I want you out of the house, now."

"But Lorelai-"

"I want you out of my house."

"It's the middle of the night. Can I sleep on the couch until morning?" Christopher stared at her, his eye's pleading for her to have compassion.

"No. I want you out of my house." Chris sighed in resignation and walked out the door.

"Where are you going?" she called to him.

"You told me to leave."

"Yes I did. And I meant it. I want you gone. And your stuff goes with you. Start packing, I'm going to spend the night at Sookie's. When I come back tomorrow morning, you had either better be gone or getting pretty damn close to it."

"When will you be back?"

"Does it really matter?" She spat at him, grabbing her coat and walking out the door. They had nothing more to say to each other.

----------------------------

An hour later, she stood in front of the mirror at Sookie and Jackson's staring at her reflection, hands gripping the sink, keeping her upright. She shuddered as she swallowed back the sobs that screamed inside of her, the urge to fight boiling in her stomach. The breathed in again, the hot steam of the water sedating her for now. Taking a deep breath, she absently went through the motions of getting ready for bed. She knew she'd have to at least buy a new mattress now. New sheets at the very least.

"Honey? Are you okay?" Sookie's voice hit an irritating pitch tonight, Lorelai had to reassure herself it wasn't Sookie, just the situation.

"Yeah, just a sec!" She called back, trying to sound positive. Closing her eyes and prepping herself, she walked out of the bathroom held held high and shoulders back. Convincing Sookie she wouldn't try to "off herself over the heartbreak" was harder than she had anticipated, but eventually she had said goodnight and left Lorelai to her thoughts.

Lorelai groaned in frustration as she flipped over again. Batting her dark hair out of her face, she huffed, pissed because she couldn't realize why she couldn't sleep. She as exhausted, it had been a long, emotional day, the bed was fabulously comfortable and the covers were soft and fluffy. Sitting up with a grunt, she grabbed her bag and dumped it's contents near her feet. Lifting her iPod out of the wreckage, she put it on, satisfied that she would clean up the mess later.

She pressed play and immediately smiled. Rory had done a great job loading the music, she had hardly had to add anything. Clancy had come in handy during all those off hours in Colorado. Mouthing the words to her favorite Ryan Adams song, she frowned as she realized how much it reminded her of her and Luke.

_**Two hearts fading, like a flower.,  
and all this waiting, for the power.  
For some answer, to this fire.  
Sinking slowly, the water is higher.  
Desire**_

She winced as she let her mind wander once again, to the off limits man. Remembering how his eyes turned a lighter shade of blue when he was intensely happy, as if the spirit inside that was shoved down by Monosyllabic man was coming back. His warm smile, reserved only for her. His awkward attempts at forced flirting, hilariously reserved only for her. His hands, his lips, his concern, his insatiable passion, his desire, all reserved for her. She wondered what he was doing right then, _probably sleeping, idiot..._ and felt the beginnings of a tear start to trace the graceful line of her cheek, so she promptly changed the song, determined to change the train of thought that was derailing her. Smiling with satisfaction as Bono sang sweet nothings in her ears, she let her mind drift to more current things.

----------------------------

She woke the next morning exhausted, but determined. She had made her night of little sleep into a very productive one.

"Sookie?" She wandered through the house trying to find her best friend. She had a plan now. She had already called Mike Armstrong, somewhat resigning her position. She would move back and run the Dragonfly. Wandering around the house for awhile with no success, she drifted into the kitchen, disappointed that she had no one to talk to, until she saw the steaming fresh(ish) pot of coffee that Sookie had undeniably made for her. Pouring herself a mugful, she sat at the table and let herself unclench, tensing again only when she heard the front door open with a loud bang.

"Sookie!" Lorelai said, bounding around the corner."

"Ahhh!" Sookie jumped as her elbow came in contact with a bookshelf full of tchotckies and pitcure frames.

"Sookie I'm sorry!" Lorelai said, still grinning, bouncing up and down.

"What's going on? Why are you so happy? Did you do something dirty?" Sookie immediately blushed, unsure as to whether or not it was too soon for jokes like that.

"I'm moving back!" She said triumphantly, basking in the glow of the grin that was not plastered across Sookie's face. "I'm glad I didn't sell my share of the inn! If I had-" Lorelai could barely breathe now that there was a Sookie attached to her.

"Hey Sookie?" Lorelai said, hugging back.

"Yes?" Sookie pulled away, tears already starting to form in the corners of her eyes.

"Do me a favor?" Lorelai grinned as Sookie nodded.

"Tell Luke for me? Or, at least find a way to have him find out?

----------------------------

**The song is "Desire" by Ryan Adams, and it rocks! **

**Okay, so was the the shortest hiatus ever? 24 hours lol.**

**So, go on. Press the Purple button. It won't bite. Promise!**

"**Desire" Ryan A**

**dams**

_**Two hearts fading, like a flower.  
And all this waiting, for the power.  
For some answer, to this fire.  
Sinking slowly. The water is higher.  
Desire**_

_**With no secrets. No obsession.  
This time I'm speeding with no direction.  
Without a reason. What is this fire?  
Burning slowly. My one and only.  
Desire**_

_**You know me. You don't mind waiting.  
You just can't show me, but God I'm praying,  
That you'll find me, and that you'll see me,  
That you run and never tire.  
Desire **_


End file.
